Creating is not an aesthetic
I have decided to become (more) Obnoxious
I find myself growing extremely weary of most creativity coaching and content that I see. Regularly, I happen upon articles and posts promising to relieve you of blocks and obstacles you have only convinced yourself are there.
I hate to spoil the whole article for you right at the outset, but what is actually stopping you from writing a random collection of words and images into your notes app? What stands in the way of you and scribbling the textures you see in a random piece of bark lying on the ground, or trying to copy the work of one of your favorite artists, or drawing a diagram of your bike giving all the different parts made up names? Why not put on some music and dance around your kitchen while you make yourself a late lunch or early dinner or just-because snack? Why not address a letter from your future self and imagine what they might say to you?
Why not search around within you and alight on whatever tiny spark of curiosity you can find?
Why not go out of your way, diverge from your regular routine, and find something to feel inspired by?
I’m not saying these things are easy. They’re actually incredibly hard. They’re hard in the same way that meditation is hard—because they require you to cultivate a different type, intensity, and duration of focus. As an auDHD person, I’ve spent the greater half of 7 years working on this project with many long fits and starts in between.
And what is distracting you from doing this work is reading the 10,000th listicle about how to be more creative. How to write a book. How to learn to paint.
Just fucking start.
How ‘bout that?
“But—! And—! I—!” I hear you stuttering your excuses. And don’t worry, I’m not telling you to stop reading and learning about creativity, exploring different exercises to help you upend your old perspective and see something new. I’m not even necessarily saying we should do away with sharing insights on creativity; how to deal with the dreaded inner critic, how to handle comparison and jealousy, etc., etc. Why, that would be antithetical to my entire existence!
Rather, from one airy motherfucker to another, I’m warning you not to live in your head. And not to neglect your own Genius because you’re too busy pedestalling someone else’s.
Maybe try discovering some of your own insights…the old fashioned way…by fucking around and finding out!
Ah. My bad. I forgot no one wants to do that anymore. Because it’s not always as exciting as the TikTok girlies made it look.
Making art isn’t an aesthetic
Sounds paradoxical, huh? And quite a 180 from the person who keeps telling you to romanticize, mythologize, and, yes, aestheticize your creative practice.
But look, a lot of creative work looks like, well, work. It is labor. It is unglamorous and sometimes not even that fun. Honestly, it’s kind of like exercising. If you’re not in the habit of going or haven’t been in awhile, it’s going to feel like a royal pain to drag your ass to the gym and fire up that treadmill. But then, once the endorphins start flowing, you start to notice it feels really, freakin’ good. You sail home feeling productive, accomplished, and energized.
That’s what it feels like to show up and write your morning pages.
Or carve out the time to sit in the emptiness and spend quality time with yourself and your thoughts.
Or go out into nature and extend your cognition into a new environment.
If you try to grab your journal and go post up under a tree like one of the TikTok girlies, having never spent time regularly practicing and honing this sort of focus, expecting to feel like you walked out of a Godard film, you’re going to be royally disappointed.
You’re not going to be able to buy into the aesthetic because you haven’t developed a taste for it. I hate to break it to you, bestie, but you’re like a 12 year old sipping on 50 year old wine. (And you should really put that away because it’s bad for your cognitive development.)
Trying something different to get different results
Devotion is a lovely concept until you need a little willpower to back it up. Eventually, you’re going to need to learn a little bit of discipline if you want to derive deeper levels of enjoyment from life.
If you really want to feel inspired and turned on all the time, you have to actually practice that. You have to build the muscle.
You have to actually try something new to get different results. Stop worrying about how to write an article to convince other people that you’re the voice of your generation and start being the voice you need to hear right now. Say what’s on your mind—I know it’s not all tumbleweeds up in there!
And I mean literally stop trying to write an article. Stop thinking of it as something you’re even going to put out. Stop thinking of it as art at all, if you have to. (I certainly have.)
Step one tiny toe outside the circle of salt you’ve trapped yourself in and do something a little scary—whatever that is. Stop trying to make the art you think you’re supposed to make and make the art you think you’re forbidden to make. Write one, tiny 300 word article exposing how deeply uncool you are (hey, I’m just quoting the voices in your head), and try publishing it just to see what happens. You can delete it later! The internet ain’t that forever! Newsflash, diva, no one really cares that much about you!
I have seen too many creatives get absolutely, life-haltingly constipated because they want to discover the art that’s going to make their heart sing and their ego rejoice, but they refuse to spend the time finding it, and they refuse to release all the imperfect results along the way.
DO NOT DO THIS!!! RELEASING YOUR ART INTO THE WORLD (if that’s the journey for you) IS PART OF THE DEVELOPMENT PROCESS. IF YOU DON’T SHIP IT (however that looks) IT CAN NEVER BE COMPLETE, IT CAN NEVER BE BUILT ON, IT CAN NEVER GROW BEYOND THE TINY POT YOU’VE PLANTED IT IN.
There is a magick in putting out your work. A sort of alchemy. Refusing to release your work is like leaving the baking powder out of your cake, that bitch is never going to rise!
In summation, folks, I’ve said it a thousand times and I’ll say it again:
I need you to take the work of materializing your consciousness so very seriously and also so very unseriously at the same time.
I need you to stop reading about how to create and just start doing it badly.
I need you to stop worrying about what you create and just start creating something.
I need you to stop acting like the art you make rests solely on your shoulders and your reputation and realize that you are co-creating that shit with your Genius and all the energies that want to move through you.
And once you start getting that, you’ll be the one writing out advice to creatives and filming cute, aesthetic TikToks of your artsy morning routine. Won’t that be swell??
Special thanks to Adriana Michelle for supporting this publication. <333
I've also been thinking about this lately! I kinda feel sad for all the people who never got to experience being a weird little artist teenager before social media because that's the me I try to get back to when I feel myself over perceiving myself and my art and trying to aestheticize for the internet instead of just being and creating.
Teenager me just did things because she wanted to and made art because she needed to.
I feel 10000x more alive when I'm remembering that girl and being her more and 10000x more creatively stifled when I'm on the internet seeing what all the 'successful' artists are up to or reading about how to become one.
Our natural inclination to create has been squashed by social media in a lot of ways so I get why people (me included) want and need articles and courses and advice on how to create and how we can get addicted to them. But that exact content is only further squashing the creative spirit. I read some of this content from people encouraging others to create and I'm like...this all sounds so forced. Why do you even want to make art at this point? If it's so hard to just do they thing why are you making yourself do it? Is it just to re-affirm your own self identity that you are an artist? Where is the sheer animal force here that won't rest unless you're creating wildly? It all feels stifling. I think that the fact that we all feel so perceived these days by being so online is a massive detriment to our art. We want to control the perception of ourselves so we can be one thing because we don't see many examples of great, amazing, profound, free artists being many things. Everything is aestheticised and categorised to death.
I really fuck with your article today. It’s kind of just like, get over yourself and do it. It won’t feel all glamorous and fun at first but I truly believe in “momentum” so the more you start with something and get over the weird beginners feeling it picks up speed and starts to feel more natural. I always say, “The more I write, the more I write!”. I love the example of going to the gym or meditation, it is a similar feeling. An awkward and can be annoying feeling in the beginning but once the speed picks up the endorphins flow! Hell yeah.