The Experiment
Deranged woman tells you how to use magick to become more creative
Now that I’ve got 6 weeks of articles lined up, I’m finally returning to YouTube! And I’ve already got 2 more videos filmed for you to enjoy very soon. ;)
I’ve been wanting to share more of myself and my process, to be more visible and allow myself to just Transmit without trying too hard to teach something and without pressure to be super linear. I feel this craving to be seen ✨ and YouTube has been feeling like the perfect place to do that.
I make brief mention of her in the video, but one of my greatest inspirations—and truly, unironically, spiritual teachers—is Emilia Fart. I found her on YouTube in late 2019, when her video titled ‘Why I dress like a deranged Judge Judy’ showed up on my homepage. In it, she talks about her unconventional style choices and what lead her to adopting them. At that point, I had been totally bald for 2 years. From the moment I lost all suggestion of hair on my body, I realized that I would never be able to skate by under the radar ever again. Everywhere I go, I will be noticed. Sometimes even gawked at. And rather than running from that power, I did what any self-respecting theatre kid would do: I decided to give them a good show.
Emilia made me realize that I could be reveling in this power even more. That I could become even more boundary breaking in how I choose to present myself.
She also made me realize it was my solemn duty to be more silly, more irreverent, more exuberantly alive.
That level of public display is something I’m still working up to. But one way I’m getting closer to that goal, as a hermiting homebody, is being my goofy, zany self on video. As much as I like presenting myself in more of a linear, digestible manner like Substack permits, I am a walking non-sequitur. I am a rambler and a tangent tour guide. I need a space for this part of me to exist besides Threads dot com.
Every time I begin a new creative medium, I begin to see the world through that lens. When I started writing poetry again, I started hearing my own thoughts and how they might be conveyed as a series of images. When I started making collages, I started seeing more things in my environment to take pictures of. Now that I’m starting to make YouTube videos, I’m starting to see things in my day-to-day life as video clips and montages in the making.
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It’s all so painfully exciting.
If you want to follow along on this journey and get to know me a little better, consider subscribing to my YouTube! But either way, you’ll keep receiving updates right here. 😘
Maybe watching me try something new and put myself out there in all my hot mess glory can give you the freedom and motivation you need to begin your own great Experiment. At the very least, hopefully it’s a reminder that we’re all just trying to do what makes us feel most alive and turned-on by life and if there are people judging you for it, it’s because they’re too afraid to find that for themselves.
And if they’re going to stare at your circus, you might as well give them a show!
Special thanks to Adriana Michelle for supporting this publication. <333
